Free Topic
Bullying
There is no excuse for bullying. It is odious, cruel, heartless and profoundly damaging. What makes anyone think they have the right to make anyone else suffer?
The truth is no-one has the right to cause another person to suffer.
If you are being bullied please know it’s not your fault. It is the bully who is graphically demonstrating their own lower self, Rats’ Den mentality. The truth is they are the one with the problem and can never be truly happy if they don’t heal their own inner pain and self-feelings.
Whether your bully is coming from a space where inflicting their dominance is the only way they know how to feel ‘good enough’ about themselves, or whether it’s to hide their own fears, or act out jealousy, or whether they are so pulled off from their real self that they are acting out ‘caveman mentality’, just know you do not need to give them your power.
Of course you feel all the trepidation and anxiety and fear and other negative emotions. Yet whilst it is natural to go into the ‘fight or flight’ mode in your brain, with your Amygdala stepping in when threatened in this way, realise that’s being in your Rats’ Den mind where you are powerless! (See Part One, chapter three). You are inadvertently turning your energy inwards and what you focus on and where your energy is tuned is ultimately what you’ll get more of.
The key here is to turn it all on its head.
Shift your energy
What we focus on, and give our attention to, grows. It works for what we do want – and for what we don’t want too!
It might seem crazy, but the mistake is to want the bullying to stop. That still gives your power to the bullying! You are in the negative energy of the fear and dislike of the bullying and giving your attention to what you don’t want. This is then what grows! Your own miserable feelings are your indicator that you are in negative energy and are in your own Rats’ Den mind! That’s not helping you at all. Your negative energy can only attract more of what you don’t want.
Admittedly, this is not helped by the energy of the language we have available – we don’t even have a word for what we do want. There is bullying and anti-bullying – which is energetically exactly the same thing! (Chapter thirteen, The Fundamental Shift).
To explain this briefly here, take this example: many people think that ‘anti-war’ and ‘pro-peace’ are essentially the same thing, just from different angles. In fact this could not be further from the truth!
If you think of anti-war, what images do you have in your mind? All the awful war images that we don’t want! If you think of pro-peace, what images do you have in your mind? Images of happy, thriving people!
Can you see how very different that projection is – and the feelings that go with them? Anti-war aligns with more of those negatives and feels tight and contracting, whereas pro-peace aligns with more of those positives and feels freer and expansive. ‘Bullying’ and ‘anti-bullying’ both give the power to the negative images and negative feelings – where they will both just align with more negatives!
We need a new word! How about pro-respect?
The choice you have is to turn your attention and energy inwards or outwards. Turning your attention and energy inwards gives your power to the bullies and affects you negatively. Turning your attention and energy outwards takes your power back and affects you positively.
So, starting right now, choose to work on your own energy.
Turning the tide
Instead of giving your power to the problem, choose to grow so strong in your own sense of self-worth and self-confidence that you are no longer a target for bullying.
The more you drive your own worth and value into your mind, the better you can feel about yourself. The closer you get, (on a scale of 1 – 10 where 1 is low and 10 is high), to feeling a 10 in self-worth, self-esteem, self-belief, self-regard and self-love the stronger you will feel, the more positive energy will be flowing through you and not only will you be in your Palace mind, equipped to deal with things for your best outcome, the bullies will no longer pick on you because you will be emitting a completely different energy!
Know you were born whole and perfect, worthy and deserving, loving and lovable and perfectly good enough – and still are! That’s a fact. (Part One, chapter two).
What Enneagram personality number are you? (Part One, chapter one). Read over your higher self qualities and realise the real you is fantastic!
Of course when you have been living in fear and dread and misery and the low self-worth to have been bullied and have just shrivelled more, you are not going to get to the polar opposite overnight.
However, if you really give all your attention to the following steps, you will start to shift your energy as soon as tomorrow. Keep going and you will move up the scale of confidence and selfworth to realise you are not the one with the problem, not care what other people think and be able to speak up for yourself, and report it to as many people as necessary to have it stopped. Keep going some more and you will move up the scale to feeling so good about yourself you will never be bullied again or if someone tries to it will have no effect on you and they’ll give up and go pick on someone else – who you could also choose to help by sharing this same info, either on the website www.thefundamentalshift.co.uk or encouraging them to get this book!
Steps to Thrive and Flourish
- Know you count too. Say “I allow myself to break free from this negative energy cycle. I am willing to take back my own power. I remember that the real me is fantastic and no one has the right to harm me. I am willing to value myself completely.” Set the destination!
Put it on a device. Keep saying this over and over and over and over – out loud when you can or otherwise just in your own mind.
You have some 60,000 thoughts a day; do you think you could manage 50 – 100 of them to be this? Or more? Just imagine how that’s building up energetically! Do remember to buy into the feeling of what you are saying, otherwise, if you’re just ‘hoping’ it takes hold and becomes true, you won’t be in that matching energy. - Whilst you are keeping this up on a daily basis, write out what you do want, something that feels right for you, perhaps “I want to feel accepted”, or ‘to be respected as a human being’, ‘to have good supportive friends’, ‘to feel good about myself’, ‘to be able to go about my day freely’, etc.
Do not write “I want to be left alone.” That’s falling into the trap of still giving your power to the problem. You can easily tell because it doesn’t feel anywhere near as good as “I want to go about my day freely”. Use your feelings to be your guide as to whether it’s positive or negative. Make your ‘what you do want’ statement as positive as possible, that feels good. - Read over Part One chapter eight, parts i – v.
~ In focusing on what you do want, (as above and chapter eight – i), ask yourself Miracle Questions such as “If I was reporting this, who would I go to? What would I say?” (If you’ve already tried and not received the help you need, who else could you go to?) Paint the picture clearly in your mind. If needs be, take ownership of this confidently by doing the brilliant Swish 2 visualisation in the Confidence topic here in Part Two.
~ Buy into the feelings of what you’ve written as if it was reality now (chapter eight – ii). Keep focused on why you want what you’ve written – which is essentially because you want to thrive and flourish!
~ Use positive Palace language (chapter eight – iii) and ‘Switch’ any negative thoughts (See Part One, chapter five).
~ Work on your worthiness and deservability to be accepted, valued and respected (chapter eight – iv). Adopt a mantra to keep thinking and saying, such as “I am worthy and deserving of being treated with respect”. - Read over Part One, chapter nine to feel good about yourself and put every word into action as much as you possibly can each and every moment of every day! You are rapidly building your self-worth!
- Read over Part One, chapter ten. Choose to turn your energy outwards as it explains there and make the way you feel your priority. You are 100% in charge of your thoughts and feelings and, if you choose, you absolutely can be – 100% guaranteed.
- As soon as you feel able – which can be quite soon if you really allow yourself to do the above steps with focus and determination – allow yourself to speak up for yourself. Know that you deserve this! You are not the one at fault here.
Whatever you think others may think or how they might react is only a perception and you do not have to give your power to anything that’s not positive or in your best interest. Stop it Switch it, Let it go, or Miracle Question yourself forward (Part One, chapter five). Be in your own power. When you go to report it, have the images in your mind of your conversation going well, being heard and supported. Whatever butterflies you may have in your tummy, support yourself by saying things like “I can do this, I can do this. I feel proud of myself. I am worth this”. (Part One, chapter six – Use Palace language). Again, use The Swish 2 visualisation in the Confidence topic in Part 2. Could you ask someone to go with you if you feel that would help – like a ‘buddy’ or kind classmate?
Know what it is you want to achieve – specifically. Do you want to move to another class, do you want to sit somewhere else, do you want to stay in at break? Ask for this as well as asking for the bullies to be stopped. - Keep working with all of the above and all of this book to build your self-worth and self-love up to a 10. Remember the key is to flow in positive energy so keep “I choose to feel good because . . .” at the forefront of your intent because – energy is everything!
There are many celebrities who were bullied yet chose to turn their energy outwards – and are extremely successful today. Just a few of them are:
Rhiana – bullied for her skin colour being too ‘white’ and her chest
Lady Gaga – for being weird, always singing, being into theatre and wearing make-up in her way.
Justin Timberlake – for being different and weird.
Tom Cruise – picked on by bigger kids as he was small.
Michael Phelps (Olympic legend) – for having big ears.
Victoria Beckham – for being different.
Kate Winslet – for her weight.
Mika – bullied by a teacher too!
Jessica Alba – bullied so badly her father had to take her school so she didn’t get attacked.
Eminem – for being an outsider, so was beaten up, shoved in lockers etc.
Steven Spielberg – for being a nerd!
Brittany Snow – was bullied daily so started “Love is Louder,” a non-profit that is working to end bullying.
Prince Harry – for having red hair. And he lost his mother when he was 12. He’s since done so much for injured members of the armed forces!
Demi Levato – was bullied but has written a successful book on well-being.
Taylor Swift – was bullied but used her experiences to give her inspiration for songs.
Barack Obama – was bullied but became the first African American President of the USA!
Jackie Chan – was too scared to defend himself at school, but has become one of the most well- known martial arts experts in the world.
Choose to take back your own power, turn your energy outwards and use it to reach your full potential too!
If you know you are a bully
Realise this is your very lowest self showing up. Is it really how you want to be? What are you acting out? Fear, anger, a sense of inadequacy, desperation? Or do you believe you have to right to judge others and punish them for not being how you think they ought to be or because you don’t like them? (Even if it’s because of something they have no control over, like their height or hair colour – or because they have different views to you)? Or is it to seem cool with a gang of others like this?
At what point will you stop? Or will this negativity poison your happiness your whole life?
It can be quite challenging to change when you’ve built up a persona to yourself and amongst your peers, yet there are many examples of people who’ve become role models for turning things around or have used their experiences for good – like criminal drug addicts who’ve come out of prison and then do motivational talks about drug problems. It is okay to change!
Be honest with yourself. What is the underlying reason for you needing to bully someone else?
It’s a negative reason, right?
You have the choice to let this continue to flow through your system, ultimately harming you because negativity cannot breed positives (as an adult you might carry, or have to bury, a lot of guilt too) – or to stop this and be your best self to feel good about yourself, be in your Palace mind and actually feel much happier.
If you choose the latter I recommend you follow the steps above to grow your own sense of self-worth, self-respect and self-love – except you won’t need to work on the courage to report the bully! Instead you could work up to being strong enough to actually apologise to those you’ve harmed. The breakthrough here is to forgive yourself for all you have done and set yourself free. (Part One, chapter seven). It will then feel a natural thing to do – and you may well be pleasantly surprised at how things come back to you so differently too.
Choose to show up as your higher self so your whole world can benefit from all you then have to offer. It will feel a whole lot better and gain you a lot more too!